After a night of interrupted sleep, I woke an hour later than I’d planned and rushed to get out the door for my date with my netbook.  I have to say it was an awkward start. 

After I had my much-needed Americano in hand and my netbook was fired up from its month’s sleep, we just stared at each other blankly.  I had no idea where to begin.  I couldn’t even remember how I’d left things.  My whole story seemed to blank from my mind.  But after a few wasted moments, I took in a deep breath and start thinking on all the tweaks I wanted to make from my month break and my story came slowly back to me (it probably didn’t hurt that the caffeine started to kick in too). 

After making a few notes my friend and fellow writer, Shellee Roberts, showed up and provided a welcome distraction from my date.  We spent almost an hour talking of much more interesting things than my story, like her current work in progress and The Vampire Diaries.  Eventually, I got back to my neglected date and started to write.  I got in one little scene reflecting the changes I wanted to make.  It wasn’t much progress, but it was something.  As I sat there wondering what to tackle next, a light bulb came on.  I figured out the perfect tweak for my story and it made so much sense that I wondered why I hadn’t thought of it sooner.  I’m really excited about this change even if I’m not looking forward to the revisions that need to be made to accommodate it. 

Overall, I think my date went well and was much as I expected it to be - a slow, but promising start back into the groove of writing.  Tomorrow I begin a writing challenge with some fellow writers that will give me just the push and support I need to get through these new changes.

Tomorrow morning I have a very exciting date planned at a nearby coffee shop.  It’s with my netbook.  That might not sound very exciting to most, but my netbook and I have been on a break since the end of November and it is time for us to get reacquainted.  

In October and November of last year, I spent many a hour at coffee shops with my netbook writing away to get my manuscript prepared to enter RWA‘s Golden Heart contest.  As soon as the contest was in the mail, my netbook and I parted ways for a much needed break.  With December and all its craziness behind me, it is time to get back into the groove of writing.  Stay tuned to hear how our date went.

It’s the start of a new year and I suppose this entry should be all about my goals and resolutions.  I have those.  They are pretty much the same as they always are.  So, this year, instead of making a list of all I’d like to accomplish I’m just going to say I plan to be better.  A better me.  A better wife, mother and writer.  A better friend, daughter and sister.  Just plain better.

I suppose this might seem more daunting than a few specific goals, but I’m just not seeing it that way.  There are always things I want to improve on and this year I’m determined to touch upon them all.   I’m actually very excited about 2012 and when I envision the end of the year I see myself happy with my accomplishments.  I guess you could say that I’m pretty determined to be better. :)

Well, again I haven’t been a very good blogger.  Oh, blog, I’ve thought about you and how I need to update you, but alas any writing I have taken on has gone directly to my WIP.  But it is time and hopefully soon I’ll have something a bit more interesting to say.

Since my last post I’ve gone through 2 Goal Checkpoints.  Some goals have done well, others haven’t.  For the most part I’m behind on everything, but still trying to keep things in mind and will continue to work harder on goal completion.  I’m finding it is really hard to work during the summer when I’m getting no real down time during the day unless I completely ignore my children.  But I can do better.  My latest attempt is to work to achieving 5 pages a day which seems to be the secret to success for many published authors.  I’m going to work my way up to 5 pages and start with 2 and already I’m behind.  I completed 3 and a half on Sundy, but nothing on Monday.  Let’s see if today I can make up for my lost day. 

For the most part lately, I’ve been reading.  I’ve enjoyed 6 books in less than a month.  Most were Regency historicals which unfortunately after several in a row have all blended together.  But I remember enjoying them all and even introduced myself to three new (to me) authors.  And tonight I hope to attend my local RWA chapter meeting which would be the second meeting in 14 months that I’ve been to.  Very exciting for this stay at home mother. :)

As I mentioned in the About Me page, I’m a Libra.  I admit that I don’t have extensive knowledge of astrology, but what I do know about Libra, almost all of it applies to me.  The Libra is represented by the scales and I love to have balance in my life.  Peace and harmony. 

As Christmas is the season of peace and love, of course that is what you picture when family descends upon your house.  A picture perfect Christmas where everyone is enjoying each other’s company, embracing the season of joy.  Ah, well, that really doesn’t happen much in reality.  I’m not even sure if it is possible to have several people spend a few days with each other and some sort of conflict not come up. 

I did have a very lovely Christmas, but it was not void of its tense moments.  It was in the those moments that I felt several things.  One:  Anger.  My picture perfect Christmas was being ruined.  Two:  Panic.  I needed to get it back and quickly.  Then I went into some sort of problem solving mode.  Did we need more drinks?  Less?  Maybe food?  A Christmas movie?  I didn’t really ever find the perfect solution.  Time was the only cure and all was well.  Did things truly go back to the way they were?  I don’t think so, but we still had wonderful moments throughout this Christmas season.  My daughter even declared it, The Best Christmas Ever.  Can’t help but smile at that.

It was only afterwards that I realized my behavior is linked to my need for keeping the peace.  When things get tense, so do I and I have this overwhelming urge to fix it.  I have to say that I kinda like that about myself.  That I want peace around me, within others.  Who wouldn’t want that?  It is truly a wonderful thing.  Though it does have its down side like my anger, panic and need to fix, but I found another area of my life where this side of me doesn’t benefit.  My writing.  I have a constant problem with my stories having little or no conflict.  While no conflict with my family at Christmas sounds divine, it doesn’t make for a very interesting novel.  I find myself always wanting to quickly “fix” the problem my characters are having so they will have peace.  While that should happen eventually, it shouldn’t happen by the third chapter. The peacekeeper in me also prevents me from creating deeply scarred characters or just mean ones.  I just can’t put them through any bad experiences.  It is rather funny, if I really think about it.  As dear to me as they become, they are just characters, after all.

I don’t think I ever linked my need for harmony and balance to my conflict problem before so it was actually a pleasant discovery.  Now I just need to figure out how to fight these natural instincts of mine when it comes to my stories.  To my characters:  I promise I will give you the harmony you deserve.  I just have to give you conflict first.

Sigh.

I’m coming off almost a week of no writng at all.  Not the kind of thing you really need to do when you’re trying to write 50,000 words in 30 days.  Though I knew all along that I probably wouldn’t get to 50,000 since I’m working on a story that already has roughly 30,000 words in it already.  But that’s still no excuse.  Yes, I’m exhausted from a sudden bout of no sleep thanks to my 6 month old.  Yes, I’m kinda bored with my story.  But I really do need to power through (at least a little more).

When I first started NaNo, I went along doing well enough.  Not making the 1,667 words/day, but making decent progress.  Then I looked at my writing buddies progress and the competitor in me kicked in.  Suddenly, I wanted to hit 50,000 words.  I didn’t necessarily want to beat my friends, but I wanted to be in the race.  So, I kicked it up a bit.  But not nearly enough to even catch up and then I hit a wall and just stopped all together. 

I seem to have this problem in my life.  I start something and do well and once things are going well enough, I ease up or stop.  Then things slide backwards.  For instance, this has happened with my weight loss.  I’m sitting at the same weight for about 3 weeks.  I lose a little, gain a little.  Yes, I need to exercise.  Yes, I need to exercise control.  This week I got up early on Monday to exercise which was great.  Then the rest of the week I was so exhausted from my son’s late night wakings, I haven’t done it again.  Why do I have such a problem with sticking with something?

During school, I was very good at getting projects completed.  Never once did my homework go unfinished.  Maybe I did stay up late finishing it the night before, but it was done.  And if I say I’m going to do something, I always follow through.  So why in my writing and weight loss, can I not do that?  Don’t really have the answer yet.  A friend of mine told me recently that I did have a baby this year and not to be too hard on myself (on the writing front) and I suppose that is true.  But I do know people who write books and more during and after pregnancy.  I, apparently, am not one of those people.  I wonder how productive I’d be if I actually had a writing contract.  Is the prescence of an actual deadline instead of a self imposed one make all the difference?  I hope so.  Because I intend to have a writing contract.  I do!!  In order to get that I need to finish this story and get it out there.  So starting today, I’m going back to my manuscript (boring or not) and get some words done.  I won’t hit 50,000, but I will get enough to give myself a Shitty Rough Draft.  I will!!!

My Goals and To Do list:

Weight Loss – I’ve leveled off the past few weeks and need to get back on track.  As we aprroach the holidays I know this will be a big struggle.  I’m not going to deny myself some of the treats of the seasons, but I will watch my portions and exercise.  My plan is to lose another 5-10 lbs before the end of the year.

Writing – NaNo starts in a week so I have a lot to do to get ready.  My manuscript is already started, but it needs a serious steriod shot.  Most importantly it needs to be completed.  This week I will plan out the scenes to be written.  My goal is to use NaNo to get a solid rough draft of my manuscript.  December is always a bad month for me writing-wise.  So I plan to use December to get my partial in order and send out to critique partners.  With partial polished, in January I want to start querying while polishing the rest of the manuscript.

Misc – I need to seriously organize my house, my life.  My goal is to find a way to get better at organizing every day in order to save money and sanity.  Decluttering in tops on my list.  Another step I’d like to take is to start my Christmas shopping early so I’m not running around like a chicken with my head cut off picking up last minute gifts.  With that done hopefullyI’ll have more time to write and enjoy the Christmas season (my favorite time of year, which I’m sure you’ll be hearing more about soon).

This week I’m hitting a couple big milestones.  One, I’ve hit 20 pounds in my weight loss journey.  I’m thrilled with the progress.  I’m already down two jean sizes and looking forward to fitting in more clothes that have been collecting dust in the back of my closet.

The other big event of the week is my birthday.  Today I turned 32.  It isn’t an age I consider old, but it isn’t necessarily young either.  I always thought of 32 as the age where you are considered grown up.  Most people have their career in order and maybe a spouse or family.  While I’m comfortable and happy with my family situation, I still forget my age when it comes to a career.  I see people in somewhat high profile jobs and realize that these people are my age or younger.  It almost seems wrong because I’m used to these people being older than me.  For example, I’m almost positive the doctor who delivered my baby is younger than me.  That just strikes me as odd, I guess, because on some level I keep thinking myself as this young college student.  But if I’d gone to medical school, I’d be a doctor by now too. 

Maybe all this is because my career never took off.  I graduated when the economy was down and took the first and only job I was offered after several lackluster interviews.  The job was fine.  I loved the people I worked with if not the ones I worked for.  But it really wasn’t a job worthy of my college degree.  I could have done it coming out of high school.   Then the company sold and I was laid off.  More fruitless interviews followed.  I decided to take a break and try writing.  I never went back to work and I’m still not published.  So in some aspect, I feel that I haven’t quite grown up.  I’m a bit of a failure when it comes to the career aspect of my life.  Though I don’t necessarily want change what I’ve done.  I enjoyed college (yes, even the learning part) and I’m proud of my degree.  I’ve even enjoyed my time not having an official job because I was embarking on something I love, writing romance.  But as far as results go, there really aren’t any.

Even if 32 isn’t old in the grand scheme of things, I’m not getting any younger and I want to have some semblance of success other than mother and wife.  I feel that this is the age when I should be experiencing my greatest successes which is why I’m more determined than ever to get my writing on track.  I’ve been steadly writing for the past two weeks.  Most days it’s just over 100 words, but it’s something.  And this November I plan to participate in NaNoWrMo in hopes to complete my current WIP.  I’ve never participated in NaNo before so I’m looking forward to it.

So, here it is in black and white.  This, my 32nd year, is the year that I’m going to take positive steps toward my career as a writer.  I’m looking forward to many more milestones this year, personally and professionally.